Vår Kärlek (Our Love)
by 96anonymous
Summary: Summary: Too much misunderstanding formed between Sweden and Finland. Too much pain, anger, and sadness had tainted their pure form of love. No matter how a relationship would not be formed. But can they get out from their misery, and cherish the love they have for each other?
1. Chapter 1

Vår Kärlek (Our Love)

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, though I wish I am. Hetalia is solely owned by Hidekaz Himaruya, but I _do_ own this plot.

Chapter One— Adjö, Finn

Sweden was in love with Finland.

At first, when Sweden asked Finland to run away from Denmark's house, there was no feeling between them. Sure, all the Nordics had cared about each other, including Sweden and Finland.

But at that time, Sweden only felt guilty.

He felt guilty he had to leave Norway and Iceland with Denmark, and he was scared he could not be enough for Finland. He decided to run away from Denmark's house simply because he could not tolerate Denmark's behaviour. How Denmark had made remarks of Sweden's past, casually flaunted it in front of Finland…he decided it was enough. Not to mention he wanted to protect Finland from Denmark's influence.

And, after what he had done for Finland, he did not ask anything in return. His mission in this unending life was only to make Finland happy. Oh, how Sweden longed Finland's musical laughter and his beautiful smile that had coloured Sweden's life despite living in Denmark's house.

And most, he did not want Finland to regret his request to run away together with him.

Because he simply did not want to be alone.

Maybe it sounded weird, but actually, Sweden was very shy, caring, and sweet. Sweden was also very protective.

Maybe his protectiveness interpreted to be a little possessive, and Finland feared him.

Once he just brushed it off, convincing himself it was just his insecurity. But hearing Finland talked to Denmark about how he feared Sweden would be angry and kill him, or rape him, it broke his barriers.

Finland _feared_ him.

A single truth that pained Sweden so much, that made Sweden realised that he was in love with Finland.

All the barriers had already broken. His concealed emotions were revealed.

No matter how hard he tried, those Viking experience had left him scarred, and thus he was feared by all nations. No one wanted to sit with him, excluding Norway and Iceland who simply did not care who they were sitting with. They feared him—whether it was his gaze, or simply his demeanour, nothing Sweden could do to change their mind.

All would affect Sweden nothing if only Finland did not feel the same.

" _It was written here that you always fear him; fear him angry to you, fear he would rape you, or worse fear that your perfect Sweden-san will kill you in cold blood…"_

Although it was Denmark who said that, Sweden knew it was what Finland truly was feeling. It pained so much, yet the truth glaringly presented in front of Sweden and he found he could not deny the bitter truth.

No more pain. Sweden decided he had heard enough.

Sweden knew he would never beenough for Finland. He was simply too perfect—he was kind, friendly, cheerful; and he always brought happiness to everyone. Finland was so beautiful, and Sweden knew he would never be enough to deserve him.

Years have passed since Sweden let Finland be independent. He knew Finland would not be happy living with him, so he _let_ Finland go. It was simply too painful for them both, and Sweden knew Finland deserved to be free.

Before Finland left Sweden, Sweden had given him a wooden horse. Finland eyebrows' rose, inquiring an explanation silently.

"It…it is a Dalecarlian horse. I…carved this one for you myself. I hope you like it." Sweden murmured uncomfortably."It is the first gift I have given to you, and most likely be the last…" Finland gasped; tears welled up in his eyes. "I know how uncomfortable you lived with me…" Finland made a gesture to cut Sweden off but Sweden kept continuing. "I hope…this gift reminds you not about how hideous I am…" Sweden let out a bitter chuckle, before continued. "I hope this reminds you how Swedish nature welcomed you…how they accepted you and how much I love you…" Sweden said.

"Minä rakastan sinua, Finland…" Sweden sighed.

"But, Swe..."

"Goodbye."


	2. Chapter 2

Vår Kärlek (Our Love)

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, though I wish I am. Hetalia is solely owned by Hidekaz Himaruya, but I _do_ own this plot.

Chapter Two— Tule Takaisin Luokseni, Sweden, Onegai

Years have passed since Sweden let Finland be independent. Although Sweden did not outright support Finland, deep down Finland knew how much Sweden helped him to be independent.

But although he was independent, Finland did not feel as free as Sweden had hoped. On the contrary, he looked lost.

True, he did not love Sweden in the way Sweden hoped him to, but…

Finland _does_ love Sweden.

"Oy, Fin!" Estonia greeted him enthusiastically, before frowning at Finland's expression. "What's up?"

"Estonia…" Finland greeted him emotionlessly.

Estonia frowned at Finland's expression. Ever since Finland had been granted his wish of being independent, Estonia rarely saw Finland smiled and or back to his usual cheerful self. While it's true Finland rarely smiled because of Sweden's super scary expression, lately, he seemed much more relaxed and smiled a lot.

"…You miss him, aren't you?" Estonia finally asked, breaking the tension between him and Finland, which was such a rare moment.

Finland stared at Estonia, and Estonia had to fight a flinch at the emptiness in their depth.

"…Leave me alone, Estonia…" Finland murmured quietly.

Estonia shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew Finland well, and deep down he knew Finland was still hurting after his leaving with Sweden. He had no idea what Sweden had said to Finland, but it was obvious that Sweden had hurt Finland—intentionally or not.

Estonia narrowed his eyes dangerously. No one, not even Sweden, was allowed to hurt his brother Finland. Oh, Estonia would make him pay, if Sweden had hurt Finland…

"It was not like that, Brother." Finland finally said, breaking his train of thoughts, and amazingly answered his inner conflict. "Rather, I had hurt him so much…and I can't even be brave enough to apologise to him…" Finland said, in an anguished tone.

"I may not love him the way he loves me, Estonia. But I _do_ love him. As a brother, a friend, whatever the terms are." Finland whispered. "And after all this time, after I hurt him so much…he still loves me, and that makes me feel very guilty. Because I am not brave enough to apologise to him. And foremost, because I still let him believing things that are not true…" Finland said before broke down crying.

"Leave, Veli. Just please…leave."

At first, when Finland was asked by Sweden to run away from Denmark's house, Finland did not intend to live together with Sweden. In fact, Finland was beyond terrified of Sweden. His intense gaze, complementing his posture that was very tall and muscular, did not relieve Finland at all.

At that time, Finland only fear what Sweden would do to him. Despite how Sweden cared for Norway and Iceland, Finland could not help but felt sceptical over Sweden's behaviour. Not to mention his 'hobby' picking up fights with Denmark did not increase Finland appreciation towards him.

But as time passed, Finland learned a lot of things about Sweden. He learned how Sweden was actually sweet, caring, and even shy! Few times when Sweden wanted to request something, and he ended up blushing and hiding his face.

Finland thought Sweden was very cute.

Not to mention his protectiveness towards Finland. At first, Finland paralysed with fear when Sweden hugged him, afraid of what he might have done to Finland. Imagine how mortified Finland felt when Sweden told him it was just to prevent Finland caught a cold.

And yes, at that time, Sweden caught a cold. Because he chose to protect Finland rather than himself.

A few times, Finland caught Sweden staring up at the sky watching the stars. He often told Finland each constellation's name, and only that time Finland finally saw Sweden looked so peaceful.

' _I never know you love watching the stars that much…' I finally admitted my curiosity to Sweden. Sweden only smiled, before gazing up at the sky once again. To be honest, I never spent much time admiring the sky, even though my country possessed the beauty of an aurora. But, no, not even aurora's beauty could enchant me to admire the beauty of the sky, unlike now. Maybe Swedish sky is that great? Or maybe…well, maybe having Sweden here together with him sweetened the deal. We both admired the sky for a_ _moment_ _before Sweden finally spoke._

' _I always love the sky, Fin…when I was small, I always felt assured that my forefather, Germania, would always watch me. But now, when I watch the stars, I always pray Norway and Iceland will be okay in Denmark's house. And I know, deep down in my heart, wherever they are, they will watch the same stars we are looking.' Sweden smiled warmly._

And since that time, Finland knew he was in love with the Swedish guy. Well, maybe not in the way Sweden had hoped, but it was love nonetheless.

Every day became a heaven to both Finland and Sweden—with Finland cheerful self, and Sweden's caring act, it was almost perfect. Even Finland's friends, like Estonia and the Baltic States; even Poland had come to accept Sweden. Love blossomed between Sweden and Finland, and every day Finland reminded how lovable and beautiful Sweden was, despite his scars due to his Viking experience. Sweden's eyes no longer held the scary look; instead, it possessed such warmth and beauty Finland could not appreciate before.

And it made both of them very happy. But, alas, it was only an _almost_ perfect life.

 _So close…but it was only an almost…_

When Denmark came, everything changed.

Starting from complaining about how ungrateful Norway who had sought his independence, and Iceland who started to segregate himself from Denmark, Denmark asked how Finland's life. He was so sure that Finland was miserable living with Sweden, and had the nerve to berate Finland why he had not sought his independence, or worse, to come back living with him.

And that was the moment Finland snapped.

He could not comprehend how blind Denmark was. He began ranting about how irresponsible Denmark was and how good Sweden to Finland, before Denmark snapped.

' _If he was so_ _perfect,_ _then what you writing in your precious diary were not true then? It was written here that you always fear him; fear him angry to you, fear he would rape you, or worse fear that your perfect Sweden-san will kill you in cold blood…'_

' _So it's true, then.'_ Sweden suddenly appeared; his voice no longer held warmth Finland loved the most. He glanced at Finland who could not deny anything, before he moved swiftly out, went back to collect woods even though Finland sure that their wood stock was enough to sustain them until next year's Christmas.

Finland froze. For a moment not a word was exchanged between them. The tension was so thick that Finland could taste it.

' _Damn it, Danmark.'_ Finland cursed slowly before slumped to the floor. He felt so ashamed of not being honest with Sweden before.

' _I_ _love him, Danmark. Not as much as he loves me, but I love him nonetheless.'_ And he cried. Hard.

Denmark's eyes widened. He did not expect that it would break Finland this way. While he might not care about Sweden, truth to be told he cared a lot about Finland. Seeing how broken Finland was, judging by how he used his birth name, Denmark felt very guilty. Not to mention Finland's forced confession on how he loved Sweden.

Denmark felt terribly guilty.

' _Fin…I…'_ Denmark swallowed, hard. He felt immensely guilty and suddenly he remembered Norway's rant about him being insensitive.

' _Leave, Danmark. Please, just…leave.'_ Finland last parting words were all Denmark had to hear.

Ever since that day, Sweden's attitude shifted. He rarely went home, and if he met Finland, he only nodded, before swiftly avoiding Finland. He no longer came to Finland's bedroom if Finland had a nightmare; he no longer cared about Finland, and worse…

He avoided Finland like a—it was as if he was a pariah and Finland had a higher social status than Sweden, which was not. He acted as if he was not good enough for Finland, which is ridiculous, in Finland's point of view.

His demeanour turned cold, he rarely talked again to Finland, and Finland found himself alone to admire the beauty of Swedish sky.

Years have passed since Finland received Sweden's Dalecarlian horse. While to the others it would not spare a glance, Finland could appreciate the beauty of Sweden's carving. Judging by how refined the dala horse was, Finland could know how hard and passionate Sweden poured his love to Finland to _this_ Dalecarlian horse. While it's true this was a child toy, to Finland it meant much more. It reminded him of Sweden's confession, reminded him of how genuine Sweden's feeling to him, and how his heart had soared with happiness rejoicing that fact, although he might not love Sweden that much. It reminded him how Sweden had cared him, and how strong Sweden was despite his traumatic Viking experience.

It meant how much Sweden loved him, and how much pain Sweden was in order to _let_ Finland go.

To Finland, it meant everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Vår Kärlek (Our Love)

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, though I wish I am. Hetalia are solely owned by Hidekaz Himaruya, but I _do_ own this plot.

Chapter Three—Tervetuloa Takaisin, Sverige.

Days turn to years. And it seems for a lifetime.

No more. Finland could wait no more.

After all these years, his relationship with Sweden had not improved at the slightest. While they both joined the Nordics group, it seemed Sweden had not forgotten Finland's silent confirmation and thus, avoiding him.

Not this time.

 _So much hurt…so much pain…why do we keep doing this?_

"Sweden!" Finland cried, before running towards Sweden.

After all, this time, Sweden still could not forget his love to Finland. He cherished the moment when Finland lived in his house; in fact, he was once feeling very happy and free.

But Finland was a good man. He was the epitome of perfection. So beautiful. So kind hearted. Sweden knew that nothing he does to be good enough for Finland. He was simply not good enough.

Not to mention Finland's confirmation on Denmark—of all people, Denmark had to be the one to point his flaw.

' _Why would people want to associate with you? Everyone is terrified just by seeing you, and nothing you do would change that.'_

He closed his eyes for a moment. Of all horrible things, that time was the moment Sweden felt so hopeless. He knew, to some extent, that Finland _did_ fear him—after all, who did not? But to think that Finland did not trust him enough for him to protect him…

Sweden decided he had enough.

After all, if he wanted to keep Finland happy, he had to let Finland go right?

Without him, Finland would be happy, right? Because Sweden longed to see Finland smile, even though Finland did not smile to him.

No matter how pained he felt, as long as Finland was happy, he would do anything.

As long as Finland was happy.

"Sweden!" Finland cried, before running towards Sweden.

Sweden was so shocked. He knew when Finland sent subtle hints of we-should-talk-right-now, but he had not prepared for this. Had he not seeing Finland almost fell, Sweden would undoubtedly sprint off to a safe place.

"Thanks." Finland murmured in embarrassment while blushing deep red in Sweden's arm. Good enough or not, he was no way would let Finland fall.

"I need to talk to you." Finland's voice was clear, and beautiful, in Sweden's opinion.

 _How could I let you go,_ _Fin;_ _if you continue to tempt me this way?_ _How could I?_ Sweden sighed. "There is nothing to talk about, Fin. It is…it was already done years ago."

Sweden made an attempt to release Finland from his arms, despite the treacherous voice in his mind that urged Sweden not to let Finland go. Banishing that kind of thought, Sweden helped Finland to his feet. But to Sweden's confusion, Finland did _not_ let go his arms.

"Fin…?" His eyebrows rose questioningly, but Finland ignored him.

Finland stared deep into Sweden's eyes, to the point of Sweden felt under scrutiny. To Sweden's surprise, Finland kissed him on the cheek, leaving the Swedish guy blushing furiously and squirmed uncomfortably under Finland's clutches.

"I'm sorry, Sverige…" Sweden could not help but feel very happy when Finland used his birth name. "I am sorry for all these years, I did not have enough courage to apologise to you…I am sorry, to let you believe you are a hideous being despite your perfection. Once you told me that I am an epitome of perfection, but I think it _is_ you who is the epitome of perfection.

You might think something after Denmark read my diary, but if only you stayed long enough, you would know how mesmerised I am unravelling the mystery surrounding you. How I found you very brave and strong, despite your upbringing and Viking experience. How good you are, and how caring you are to me and Hana, despite we are only a burden for you…" Sweden wanted to cut him off but Finland kept continuing.

"I got something for you." Finland ruffled his duffel bag, courtesy to Sweden, before revealing a painting.

It was a very simple painting, yet touched Sweden so much. Knowing Finland and his art talent so well, Sweden bet it was painted by the Finnish guy himself.

"Compared to your farewell gift, this is mediocre." Finland smiled sadly when Sweden made a gesture to cut him off. "But despite its simplicity, this pretty much symbolises how much I love you. How much I cherished our moment together, despite my initial fear of cannot give you _enough_. How I feel alive, despite our non-existent life. You give me a reason to stay strong; you were the one who light up the whole world—if it is not, at least you had made me enjoyed my time in this world. No Christmas could cheer me up if it wasn't for you.

You have given me practically everything, Sve, and that alone makes me very happy and feels like I am the luckiest person ever. And I hope, ei ei, I _desire_ that this would not solidify our separation; our farewell. Let it be a welcome gift; a gift we both cherish because it brings happy memories rather than pain. Because I know where my independence came, Sve, and no matter how much it makes me happy, I feel hollow because you are not there to cherish it with me…

"You are such a lovable person, Sweden that only the one who treasured your love would be able to see how amazing you are. I am so sorry that as much as I love you, I could not return your love; because it is simply not enough…I just never look you that way, but I promise…" and Sweden cut Finland off.

"Tack så mycket, Fin." Sweden smiled warmly, while still blushing profusely, which made Finland very happy.

Both of them continued to stare at the painting. It was simple actually, a picture of Sweden, Finland, and Hanatamago were playing together. But it was not for art reason it meant so much for both of them. It was such a token of a relationship—not as a lover, sadly, but surprisingly it was more intense than any relationship ever.

And they both were feeling very happy.

"No matter what happens, Jag älskar dig, Finland…" Sweden hugged Finland slowly before Finland voiced his fear.

"Inga fler adjö, eller hur? Right, Sverige?" Finland asked timidly, praying to every God he knows that the answer was no.

Sweden only replied him with peaceful looks Finland longed to see, before watching again the starry sky. The same starry sky that allowed Finland trusted him for the first time, and it will be the same starry sky witnessing Finland trusts him for forever.

"…Sverige?"

"Ei."


End file.
